Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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