we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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