So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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