i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
