So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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