Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
