that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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