i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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