his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
