also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
