I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have aggressive nipples.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
