lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
