well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
