So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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