He is such a slut. More and more my type.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
