Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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