I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
