i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
