She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
