Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
