having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
