The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
