I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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