i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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