I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
