She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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