i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
