You're a womanizer and a bitch.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
as a side note pls kill me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
