dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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