i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Someone shit on the floor
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
