Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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