ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
