...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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