my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
