Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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