Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
