I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
