Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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