You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
