; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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