I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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