Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
