its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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