We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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