Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
