Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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