you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
