what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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