my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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