i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
