My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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