tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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