I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
