My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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