Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
