My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
