Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
