you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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