i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
