he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
