Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize