I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
