Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
