just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I am available for nakedness
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
