the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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