I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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