i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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