So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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