just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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