are you still at the devil's house?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
