from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
