I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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