I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
this hospital has no fireball
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
