Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
