so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize