I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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