he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
