I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
